Maren Wade’s Confessions of a Showgirl: “A Showgirl’s Top Ten New Year’s Resolutions”
Oh the joy of the New Year! I’m always exhilarated when the clock strikes midnight and I have a clean slate. I get to start over and make a list of all the things I’ll do better next time around. I think they call those New Year’s resolutions.
But here’s the thing: I don’t know about you, but every time I make that list (and check it twice), I manage to break my own rules before I even get a chance to follow them. It’s so unfair. My all-time longest record for keeping my resolutions was one week … and that one was to use Pinterest instead of Twitter.
I’m tired of making New Year’s resolutions that I don’t keep. Maybe you are, too. So this year I have developed a surefire solution. Here is my Top 10 list of resolutions I’m sure I will keep:
10. Lose weight. How many of us tell ourselves this every year? This year I’m going to lose those extra pounds that have been hanging around too long. I know it’s not easy. The idea of having to start that long journey toward fitdom is a daunting task, dealing with yo-yo dieting and exhaustion from exercising. But you have to think about how amazing you’ll feel when you do lose that weight. Not only do you feel lighter but you are healthier as well. It’s called “weight-loss glow,” and I highly recommend it.
Therefore, come what may, this year, I am determined to lose at least 10 ounces.
9. Manage stress. Stress can shorten your life. So I’ve decided if I sleep more, I will be awake fewer hours and therefore have less opportunity to feel stressed. Plus, I’ll be more rested. And I’ll have less time to eat, which will help me to lose the eight ounces.
8. Join Snapchat, or at least figure out how to use it. Thank God someone found a solution to all those compromising showgirl photos.
7. Quit smoking. Normally, this is an extremely difficult resolution to keep, but due to my discipline (and the fact that I don’t smoke), it should be a piece of cake. Cake … yum. Uh-oh, there goes my resolution to lose those six ounces.
6. Be more selfless. I think it’s important to help others. I was discussing this with one of my fellow showgirls and she made an interesting point. She said: “I follow the same principle as when you are going down on a plane and you have to put the oxygen mask on yourself before you help someone else. That’s why I have to focus on me first. It’s the first step to being more selfless. Hold on, I always mix up selfish with selfless. Which one is which again?”
I didn’t know the answer. I felt so bad I couldn’t help her, especially because this is one of my New Year’s resolutions.
5. Get out of debt. This year I’m going to pay off my credit card bill, or at least get a new credit card.
4. Maintain good health. This is a hard one, but this year I’m not going to drink any alcohol. Or at least if I do drink alcohol, it won’t be on an empty stomach, for sure.
3. Be positive. When you really think about it, there’s nothing good about negativity.
2. Failure is not an option. Not failing is one of the key steps to success! And the surest way to accomplish that is to not try. In the spirit of being more positive, you can’t fail if you never try.
1. (Drumroll please) … My top New Year’s resolution is not to voice my opinions on things I don’t know anything about. (Okay, I have a confession to make. I meant starting after this article.)
So those are my resolutions. Wish me luck! I would love to hear from you. What are some New Year’s resolutions you can keep? Make sure to tell me in the comments below or on Twitter at @marenwade (since I didn’t have much luck with Pinterest).
Oh, I almost forgot … Happy New Year!